Loss of a good friend

............... I don't know where to begin, so I'll just give it a go.  Today, I buried one of my best friends of over 13 years. To most people, he was only a large grey cat, one of two I kept for company in my house.

To me, he was my furry friend and confidant; my best buddy no matter what. He helped me through many trials in my life, several moves, the loss of my father, the start-up of my business, the loss of nearly everything I owned. Never a clue that he had anything going on wrong inside.

Had to put him in the vet to look after him for the week I was out of town attending the show below that flopped so bad. Got him back, and the vet said he needed his teeth cleaned, nothing more. Took him in a few days later, to have that done. Vet said everything went fine; but my furry friend was still groggy and not responding well hours after I got him home.

Next morning, early, I find my furry friend sprawled on the floor, unresponsive and limp. Rushed him back to the vet. He managed to stand up -barely - once there, but was still not himself, unresponsive, zombie-like. Inside, I feared the worst.  Vet did blood tests, listened to his heart, an IV, and kept him, all findings normal - only my friend was NOT himself, not responding, not well at all. No infection, nothing seemed wrong,.....

Hours later, vet calls. All tests say my furry friend is fine, but he isn't. He's doing worse, for no apparent reason. I brace for more bad news. Vet to keep him overnight.

A little while later, I look up from what I'm doing, feeling an odd emptiness. I whispered aloud, "Smootch, I love ya, little man, and I want you home, well and happy and healthy; but if you can't come home to me like that - can't come home able to live and enjoy life, then I guess it's best if you go ahead and move on to the next life. I'm NOT ready to let ya go, but I want you to be happy. I'll miss ya, little man. But move on to the next life if you need to."

An hour later - maybe less - vet calls again. My furry friend fell asleep,..... and died. Quietly. Peacefully. In no apparent pain or distress. I already knew it, but the confirmation was the last straw. I agreed to the autopsy - his brother, same litter, also lives in my house - and set up when to pick up my furry friend's little body. Then, I hung up the phone.

Some time later, the phone rings - and a HUMAN friend picked it up for me. Autopsy results. My furry friend's heart looked normal and fine from outside, and never showed any problems. BUT, inside, the walls were exceedingly thick, making the internal chambers very small. After 13 years and more, his heart couldn't take any more. The only way anyone - vet included - could have known, was to have done an ultrasound on his heart - but why would they do that, when there was no apparent reason to? There was nothing anyone could have done to prevent his death. Otherwise, he was very healthy for his age.

I dug his grave myself, in the rain. Inside, I'm howling in grief.  Outside, I'm trying to hold back the tears. My grief is a private thing.

Meanwhile, my OTHER furry friend, his brother, is doing fine - after having two molars removed and a mammary cist excised - by the SAME vet, at the same time. Smootch is dead, Bitey is fine,.... and I'm an emotional wreck.

Being a guy, I'm not suppossed to break down and cry over anything - so I go off alone, and let my grief out.

I HAD another small show this weekend, but the death and funeral of my furry friend comes first, so screw the show.

I got his body from the vet this morning, frozen and wrapped up in blue plastic, a hard, heavy, featureless rectangle. I took him and laid him into the little grave, wrapping the bundle in an old t-shirt, with some cat nip and a hand-made glazed ceramic box filled with some of his favorite things. I said my farewells as I covered him, taking care in the rain to pack down the rocky soil as best I could. Tomorrow, I will make his headstone, a ceramic stoneware piece to lay atop his grave and mark his passing. Today, I have turned off my phone, locked my doors, and cancled my plans so I can mourn in private.

Outside my front door, there is a small female black kitten with white toes and whiskers, waiting to get inside my heart and my home. She was born this summer, to a grey and white stray long-haired queen, and is the only surviving kitten from the litter. I call her Moto. When my greif relents, and when Bitey seems to be feeling lonely, I will bring her inside to stay; taking her for shots, et al, and let her help fill the void Smootch's passing has created.

Life goes on; whether we want it to or not. I will always miss Smootch. But Moto needs a home, and my home needs a second cat.

 

Business can be a nightmare

Gads, what a nightmare. Ok, I just got back from the biggest flop I ever attended. Sadly, I paid almost $3,000.00 or more to have a booth there and try selling ceramics - including stoneware sink basins - that I and a friend spent weeks making. I grossed less than $400.00; and still have to pay taxes on that.

Everyone had said that this event was THE one to get into to sell what I have been making; but no one was buying ANYTHING. They all came in and ran off with all the FREE items they could grab.

The only people making money at that event were the ones who set it up and rented the booth spaces out. Even the food vendors were loosing money. I won't be going to that event again.

So, now I have lots of stock, ready to sell, and only two events left to attend this year - and no money to invest in attending other, typically more profitible events later.

At least I got 84 people to sign up to recieve the color catalogue I'm creating of what I make. They might place orders that will reduce the loss the event represents.

From now on, I will attend new events as a visitor, and observe how well things are selling - especially similar types of items - before investing in booth space.

On a side note
For the past several years, I had been writing with a growing group of people online. We were writing co-operatively, each of us writing our own characters in the fantasy fiction stories we worked on together. All done just for fun and practice writing, working out the kinks in our various characters.

Today, I have had to cease writing with them, as they have enacted policies I can not agree with. When a group whose leadership insists on remaining anonymous DEMANDS that everyone else who joins their site reveal their identities - while the leadership themselves remain anonymous - I have to come down on the side of personal freedoms - aka the right to privacy. They claim it is a security issue only. If that were the case, then they could verify things privately at sign-up; not require a PUBLIC posting of the information. Their insistance is on a PUBLIC level, making this PRIVATE information a PUBLIC matter.

I'm sorry, if I WANTED everyone and their cousins to know that information, I would have it tattooed to my forehead!

So, my last remaining "social" outlet is gone.

The stupid thing is, they blocked all my character IDs until I comply, so I can't even log in there anymore to let my co-writers know what's happened, and why I am no longer writing with them.

Time flies
Well, I got a used van to move the molds et al in. I will also be using the van to haul supplies and equipment from the various suppliers of ceramic and pottery clays, slips, glazes, and equipment.

The zoo donation project turned out really well for a first effort. I boxed and delivered it myself, as the person who was suppossed to pick it up was ill and unable to do so. I still haven't heard anything back on that.

I did a trial run, making a sink basin. I learned a lot, and it turned out well too, though not as good as I would like if I was going to sell it. I've ordered a slab roller to eliminate some of the problems, and found a source for the right sized molds - I use the hugest stainless steel mixing bowls I can get from a restaurant-supply store. I found a really translucient porceline clay to try making sinks and wall sconces out of. I also have three potential markets for the finished sinks, and am working up sgraffito designs and glaze patterns for them, as well as displays and samples. I have worked up a design for a center-piece sized fountain that looks great, and have found the perfect glaze combinations to make it perfect. I just need to get some fountain pumps, and I can get several ready over the next few weeks.

As far as the LARPs I was playing in during my shrinking free time, I have dropped them both and won't be going back. Almost every weekend has something scheduled for me to go sell at, and during the week, I am working hard to make products to sell.

I love to open the kiln and see how the glazes have turned out. Sometimes, things turn out better than I imagined. Sometimes, I look at the finished pieces, and wonder why they turned out like that. Then, I call the glaze manufacturers, and ask. Most of the time, they are suprised, too. They never dreamed of the combinations I am trying out.

Father's Day is coming up. Dad died last year, so this will be the first Father's Day totally without him. Alzheimers had taken all that he used to be years before, but I still gave him something - a card, some candy, something. I remembered him, even though he had totally forgotten me. This year,... it feels weird.

I guess I'll just have to keep busy.

Moving along
Well, I just paid for the 3,000 molds, the 2 pouring tables, slipmixer, 6 shelf units, slip and glazes. Now, I have to rent or buy a truck, trailer, something to use to move all of it to my workshop's location.

I almost got a nearly-new box trailer this week - but someone else got there with the money first. Oh well. I know where to go get one brand new, so it's not a HUGE loss.

I have a HUGE show to do in September - biggest one I ever thought about doing. In between, I have several smaller shows and craft fairs - one coming up in two weeks. So, I'm keeping busy, expanding my product line, working up my inventory, and gaining new skills. I'm not just pouring slip anymore, now, I'm hand-building with higher firing clays.

I have almost finished the multi-tiered fountain I am donating to the local zoo's annual fund raiser auction, and have begun working on making the on-the-countertop sinks. New tools, new adventures, new techniques - and new glazes. The zoo's people are picking up the fountain on the 28th, so it won't sit around long in my workshop - a good thing, tight as my shop's space is. As a reward for my donation, I get to attend the formal dinner and auction in early September for free. Luckily, I got myself a new suit to wear - as well as shoes - so that's covered. After the zoo's fling, I'll have about a week to pack for the BIGGEST show I've ever done thus far. It'll last an entire week. One reason I got the new suit.

The more I learn, the more I discover there is to learn - and the more I think I should get some land and set up a workshop and gallery to sell through. If that show goes well, I might just do it.

Here goes nothing
I found a young family that's getting rid of all their ceramic business equipment - 3,000 molds, 2 pouring tables, slip mixer and pump, 2 electric kilns, kiln furniture, shelving, glazes, slip, firing cones, .... for barely $1.00 per mold.

I went and looked over the molds and equipment - I need the pouring tables et al - and asked their price. Very reasonable - and the molds are in very good condition - some are still unopened, brand new! Many of the items they have molds for would sell really well in the markets I have been uncovering,... so I'm scrounging up the financing to secure them. As for space to store things in,... that's taken care of, at least temporarily.

I need to purchase some land, and place my workshop and gallery/store on it - somewhere that people can find me to purchase things year round. The bank has indicated potentially financing such a move, where land and the like can be held as collateral. I am already looking for likely spots with this in mind. It would give me more space dedicated to my business, and would legitimise my business in the eyes of the bank - a gallery is what they see as my next business move, if I really want to grow my business.

As I see things, I have the equipment, skills, and a market already in place. I just need a location to set up and continue operations. I dislike leasing - why rent when you could be purchasing the place. I looked over some kit-built large storage buildings - two stories high - that Lowe's Hardware is offering; two of those, back to back, would be perfect to put the workshop and gallery into - with office space and storage above. Some insulation, wiring, plumbing, wallboard, and paint - and it's ready to go. Set the whole thing up on a cement slab and call it done. Two months, and I could open my own shop.

Maybe I will approach the bank with this and see what happens. At worst, they say no; at best, they jump to finance things and I soon find myself running my own gallery/shop. What a move.

Working on things
Whew! Working on this year's donation piece for the state zoo's fund raiser. Got to remember to take a picture of it to put on my webstore's site. This will be the second year I participate.

Found some more new glazes - new color combinations, new formulations, new effects. Been pouring test tiles to try them out on and keep as sample tiles.

Also found some more molds - that are needed to complete some products - and have begun obtaining them as finances allow.

The animal-headed dolls are going along nicely; I have someone who is enjoying making their clothes.

Keeping busy. Making Spring/Summer products now - putting them in store locations as quickly as I get them done. Nested Mushroom Cap Bells are proving popular - as are the yard/garden Mushroom Bell sets. Found more molds - in inventory - that complete some more products that hopefully will be popular sellers.

Been lining up events and craft fairs for this year, paying in advance when I can to insure having a space at each one. Now, if only the car will hold up.

Got a mold that makes a set of wings to go on a cougar - some people have been asking repeatedly for winged cougars; so now I need to get the mold of the cougar. Until then, I have been working on fitting the wings to the bisque cougar, to see how it would work. Looking good, thus far. Would be better, attaching wings to greenware cougar and firing them together. Still, for trial run, this will work fine.

So many projects, so little time and workspace.

HOPEFULLY so much profit.

And another thing
Mood:  surprised
Just when you think things are going well,.... for once they improve!

Sometimes, you have to love in-laws. One in-law in Michigan has offered to sell some of my ceramics in her store.

That's an out-of-state store.... far from where I am.

I'm reaching out into another market area entirely with this offer. Of course, I said yes.

Another place selling my wares where I don't have to sit there and sell it myself.

Moving along
Whew! Glad 2005 is over.

Things are beginning to really look up for my ceramics business now. I have three places where my wares are available to the public year-round, and I don't have to be present to sell them. I am working on the online store, and have a merchant account to accept credit and debit card orders online, and to process credit and debit card orders via phone - cell phone or landline - at craft fairs or for face-to-face sales; coupled with a manual imprinter to make the receipts for the customers and my records.

A good portion of the mold inventory is done and entered into the computer, so I'll know what I can make and what I have on hand; and I've begun setting up the online store - getting photos for the online catalogue is the main hold-up right now. That catalogue is where I enter the products and inventory information, and then it's linked to the online store so customers can see it.

More products have been test-marketed, and are proving popular. As have more colors and variations. A re-interpretation of one product has yielded two more from the same set of molds. Several ideas for how to further customize items have been tested, and are being sorted and selected to offer online. I have even teamed up with two woodworkers to produce a combined product - they make the chessboards, I make the chess pieces. This will be offered online as well as at craft fairs.

I actually hope to be able to phase out the craft fairs as sales online pick up. I enjoy attending the craft fairs, and enjoy meeting other craftspeople, seeing what they're doing, and sharing tips; but so often I pay to set up at these craft fairs, and loose money. At this stage, I can't afford to keep on loosing money. Some of the craft fairs I attended last year, I won't go back to; others, I don't want to miss - the sales were too good.

Already, I am creating pieces for the spring season, getting ready for the upcoming craft fairs, where I will introduce some new items. Working out which events to attend, and which events to skip, and pre-paying to attend certain ones - and getting products ready - is tying up a lot of my limited resources. For every event that was a loss last year, I am working to uncover one or two events that I hope will be profitable this year.

Of course, I am still writing; but only for myself, and only in my diminished free time.

Got one thing finished
Well, I finally got ALL the molds and shelves moved from the place in Denton that we bought out. With loads of help from one really good friend, I might add.

Now, I only have to sort them out, remove the ones I have too many of or don't want, and finish rebuilding the shelves to store them on.

All while making more ceramics to sell at upcoming events.

Wish me luck.